ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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