its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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