i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
