He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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