Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
