I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
sex in a hospital.. check
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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