This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
