I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
