Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
