Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
