You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
