the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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