found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
