i don't like sucking hair
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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