He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
two words...techno handjob
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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