That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
