I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
