i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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