My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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