I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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