She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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