You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All the doctor said was why
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
