At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
