I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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