the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
