He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
