I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
