need another drink. this is the easiest way
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
