This is not my ceiling
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
