i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
