it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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