Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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