just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
