I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
then he tried to convert me to islam
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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