FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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