he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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