Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's blow job season.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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