those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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