i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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