Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
