You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
