What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's blow job season.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
