i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
