Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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