when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
