whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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