I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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