I got chris browned last night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
