I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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