Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
