Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
