Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
